Hock Lye and I have been foster parents since 2016. We would not have made it this far without God’s assurance that we would not be alone in the journey.
Our fostering journey started when HFG-SG’s co-founder, Vivienne, shared about fostering at church on Mission Sunday. Having read about fostering in the newspapers, Hock Lye had the seed of compassion planted in his heart years ago, but I turned him down as our sons were still young, and required our attention. But God did not pass us by; after Vivienne's sharing, our hearts were touched, and we decided to foster.
Our sons had mixed reactions to fostering. The elder son was concerned about space and what if his parents were bullied by foster children, while our youngest son was looking forward to sharing his room with a foster sibling! We reassured our sons that with the right hearts, space would be created in more ways than one.
Our first placement was in 2017 with a 2-year-old boy, who was diagnosed with Global Developmental Delay (GDD). He is loveable and smiley, and our elder son and then-girlfriend (now wife) were very involved in his growth and bonded with him.
The child unified our family and was a blessing! We worked as a family and team to help him. In that same year, we were asked if we could take in another foster child, who was 7 years old. Our hearts softened when we heard that the boy had been through a few failed placements.
Our second foster child had unsettled personal family issues and because of the failed placements, it created a deep sense of rejection in him. He had emotional walls that were hard to break through. It took a long time, but when we found out he was interested in football, Hock Lye took the time to bring him to the soccer court and he gradually opened up.
We found solace in God during that period. We learnt to feel the child’s brokenness, and prayed for him through difficult times. As his attitude started to change, his teachers started praising him for submitting his homework and he even joined the soccer CCA at school. Although he has reintegrated with his family, he still maintains contact with us. He has come so far. He recently shared he was very thankful to God to know our family and wishes to always be part of the family. I just assured him, “WE ARE FOREVER FAMILY!”
In total, we have fostered 4 children. Our most recent foster child is neurodivergent. As he is unable to focus, cultivating self-help skills is a challenge. It's a constant reminder that we need to take one step at a time for his developmental growth. We also thank God for sending many people to help us at different seasons of our needs. Our children, granddaughter, extended family and family helpers have all opened their hearts to welcome these foster children into their lives.
If an opportunity for fostering arises, just do it. Sign up, pray and wait. It is always a joy to see smiling and happy faces on that once expressionless or despairing face of a child. It has been a comfort to see our former foster children returning for a visit.
Nevertheless, be prepared to sacrifice time, personal space and even holidays. The joy of helping another person who faces life’s adversity is beyond any earthly reward.
It is also important for spouses to communicate with each other and be consistent with instructions or implementation of rules. Do not be too ambitious. Let the child settle into your home. Look after the child’s social and emotional needs first, then deal with their academic studies or others. Attend the Social Studies Institute’s (SSI) training courses for approved foster parents. There are valuable tips to be learnt, even for experienced foster parents.
As Christians, we prayed for God’s fruit of the Spirit to reign in our household so that all who live under our roof are aligned with God. We asked for His wisdom, strength and protection to keep us going. Lastly, join a foster parents’ network like HFG-SG. We meet up with other foster parents at activities or in smaller groups to help one another along the journey.
